gaybay.net Interview
Thinking in terms of a title for my form(s) of expression isn't the easiest task. I've struggled with self-perception issues. I have a degree in Creative Writing, I've been writing for years, and have always considered myself a writer. After creating my first art installation, after several poetry performances, I started to question that title. Ultimately, I don't stray from words. All of my art projects are text intensive. My performances are spoken word pieces. My love and use of language is almost always present in my work.
"Your Dead Body is My Welcome Mat", was released in November of 2001. I've done readings for years and in numerous parts of the country. There is a performance art piece that I've been working on. I am toying around with the idea of performing it in a theater venue. The first public reading of my work wasn't even by me. I composed a humorous poem to a drag queen friend, Delila, who incorporated it into her show. That was early 1995 at The Galley in Naples. I was shocked to be sitting in the audience hearing my work read out loud. The crowd loved it and it changed the way I thought about my writings. I had previously published an article on phone sex for a community newspaper but this was the first time my creative writing was out for public consumption.
When creating, I am focused on the written word; I am not concerned with the oratory qualities of the work. Some of my favorite writings do not work well when read. I see the poems as finished products and don't alter them for performance. When reading I simply chose other poems that work better. My background is in writing, not acting. I've had to recruit the help of an actor friend for pointers and advice.
My style of writing is very confrontational, sharp, and emotionally charged. I received my degree in Creative Writing from USF in 1996. I didn't bond with many in my graduating class. Most of my fellow classmates were not into my type of writing. In a class discussion, one student called my work "filth" and "pornographic smut." Clearly an attack and not a comment rooted in academia. The piece she was referring to was not overly sexual. It seems as if any type of art that deals with the gay experience is labeled "smut" or "offensive." As an artist unwilling to stray from this subject line, I've now become accustom to such comments. I want my work to raise questions. After a performance, after seeing my artwork, after reading my book....I want people to think about the issues that were raised, how it applies to their life, and I want them to be inspired into action.
I am inspired by Anaïs Nin's persistent pursuit in writing down her emotional journey. She started her diary at the age of 12 and wrote in it daily. The labor of such a task is impressive. I admire her belief in the importance of this emotional journey-- to document it at a time when women's beliefs and emotions were undervalued. This undervaluing is still prevalent but not to the degree a woman in the 1920's and 1930's. Sapphire's bold self-disclosure, strong use of language, political undertones, and the exploration of all of the dynamics of abuse are what I strive for in my writings. She has received much recognition but I am sure such recognition is just the tip of the iceberg. I admire Bernard Coopers' craft of the short story. His stories are intricately woven and highly original. Holly Hughes World Without End takes childhood recollections into a realm I could only dream to take my writings. My inspiration list goes on and on. I'm not interested in the straight white experience. Haven't we heard their voice enough? My writings expose life in the margin and I admire writings that write from that place as well.
I'm a fan of "gay spaces." My writings have heavy gay content and deal with the type of displacement that most gays can identify. It is also a beautiful when I'm enlightening the listener/reader. I have a poem about my relationship, as a gay male, with reproduction and child raising. After reading this poem, a straight woman kept telling me about how she "hadn't thought of those things before." I think that unintentionally we shelter ourselves, we create a social climate that is doesn't force us to go beyond our comfort boundaries. My book is a collection of my writings from the past 7 years. It has a great balance in terms of my writing forms (poetry and short-short fiction) and of emotions. It openly talks about situations where there is an inequity of power and that power being abused. I write a lot about my experience but the sad truth is abuse isn't just MY experience. This isn't something that my neighbor did just to me, he did it to my sister, and other kids in the neighborhood. This isn't a problem happened only in my middle class neighborhood in St. Louis, Missouri. Abuse is happening all of this country, too many victims are silent, and too many adults are ignoring the signs.
I had a fake ID at 16 and was going to gay bars. I was being called a fag in the halls of school, had fag-bashing threats after school, and was a gay club kid at night. The contrast of my world was dramatic. In one arena I was hated, threatened, an outcast.... in another I was attractive, fun, popular, wanted sexually. Gay youths are in the battlefield. They still have the highest suicide rate. I think the gay community isn't always supportive of gay youth. Unless that is to be seen as a sex object that they'll brag about to their friends. As seasoned gay men, whatever age that title might entail, it is our responsibility to help others along on their journey. It is still a scary thing to be out and gay in our society. I'm glad that the Internet is offers so much information and anonymity for young gays and lesbians.
I'm fortunate to have ultra supportive friends that constantly inspire, encourage, and ground me. My work deals a lot with the abuse I suffered from as a child. My sister was a victim from the same perpetrator, a neighbor, and from my parent's abuse. She has been gracious in letting me tell my story and not need to edit her out or censor. To have the strong support of a family member when directly going "against the family" is encouraging.
I love my community. I don't need rose-colored glasses to love the gay community. I love it even with all of our faults. I have an agenda and equal rights and empowerment for gays/lesbians/bi/trans people are at the top.
I think it is problematic to use a heterosexual derived definition when dealing with gay life or gay sex. My 27 year old straight friend told me the other day that she has had six sex partners. Well, I've slept with more guys in one night. As gays and lesbians, we should not conform to heterosexual notions of what is a "slut" or "easy." I've yet to figure out why chastity is valued in our culture.